This is insane cope for the shitcoin reserve - BUT:

If I wanted to ensure that I had control over all major cyrpto assets going forward, I wouldn't threaten them with harsh regulations (at least at first).

I would subsidize them if they are located and run in our country, which would cause U.S. based coins to outperform and create a situation where shitcoin holders are basically begging to come here and be under U.S. jurisdiction.