In 2007 I decided I would apply my brain to dating, rather than just going after the shinyest object.
I wrote down two lists of requirements, none of them unreasonable or rare, jist rare in combination. One list was of dealbreakers, thats usually the easiest. The second list was a list of requirements.
As soon as I had that list "swiping left" became very very easy. Its easy to spot certain personalities once youve weeded out the "hot messes".
My list of dealbreakers was things like:
1. Has a cat
2. Doesent know how to keep a clean house
3. Tattoos or piercings
4. Divorced or has kids
5. Goes "clubbing" or "nights out with the girls"
6. Talks about mental disorders or has been raped or abused
7. Goes to leftist political demonstrations or supports gay rights or radical feminist causes
... my list today would probably be a mile long, but at the time it was less than 20.
They may seem harsh and "out of their control" but its also not fair to yourself to take on other people's problems. When you do that person will make them your problems and next thing you know you're homeless, suicidal and falsely accused of something. Inviting another person into your life, no matter how 'innocent' they seem carries with them the power of the state and the meaning of "justice is blind" can also mean blind to reality.
The next list were the "mininum requirements", things that are indicators of someone that shares your values, such as:
1) christian
2) values education
3) values money (never says stupid virtue signaling lies like "I dont care about money")
3) can be reasoned with
4) has hobbies like sports, reading, sewing, etc (not necessarily your hobbies)
5) wants children
6) is comfortable around your parents and immediate family
Etc.
These things are qualities that make it more likely the person will not be needy or resist your life goals.
Identifying what you want and dont want is not easy, its not easy to draw a line in the sand and say "Im not going to be stupid about love." But if you do, you will have more control over your future.
We have been married 14 years, have 7 children, and every day is better than the last.
#grownostr
