Amethyst is the correct answer. It gives you the most control over which relays end up on which relay list.

At the top of Amethyst's relay settings you have Public Outbox and Public Inbox relays. This section controls what relays end up on your kind 10002 relay list, and whether they are flagged as write (outbox) or read (inbox). You should only have a few relays listed for each.

Public Outbox relays are effectively where you announce to the rest of Nostr, "If you want to see my public notes, look on these relays." You can absolutely have a public relay or two here if you want.

Public Inbox relays are where you announce, "If you want me to see your reply, reaction, or zap to my posts, please put it on these relays where I am watching for it." Here is where you want no public relays at all.

The next section for DM Inbox Relays will be saved to your kind 10050 for receiving direct messages. These should be specialized relays that will only allow the recipient of the DM to retrieve it from the relay. Looking at your kind 10050 I think inbox.nostr.com likely fits that bill, but definitely not nos.lol. I don't think theforest.nostr1.com is intended as a DM inbox relay either. You would want something like auth.nostr1.com instead. You're looking for relays that support NIP-42 in particular.

The next section for private relays is saved to a kind 10013 list, and should only include relays only you have access to both for read and write. This list is also stored encrypted in the "content" tag of the note, so I have no idea what you have listed there, because others should not be able to see where you are storing your private notes.

Next up are search relays, stored in your 10007 list. These should only be relays that support NIP-50. Looks like you have mostly relays that don't, with the exception of search.nos.today and nostr.wine. Another good one to throw in here is relay.nostr.band, since it is an aggregator that tries to have all text notes. Even though it is full of spam, that doesn't matter for your search relays, because they aren't used for general reading of notes or providing you with notifications. Only for searching.

Local relay is local. Citrine would be what you put here, assuming you are running it.

Finally we get to General Relays. These will be saved to your kind 3 follow list, believe it or not. Amethyst has a bunch of toggles for each of them, but only whether you have them set as read or write will show up on your kind 3. The rest is internal to Amethyst alone. Here you can set relays you want to write to, but don't want "announced" that others should look there to find your notes. For instance, I would put hist.nostr.land here as write only, if you aren't paying for nostr.land. I would put purplepag.es here as read only. Get rid of any public relays that you are reading from here and add some WoT relays instead; read only, or read and write as you like.

Hope that helps you sort through what should go where.