Just talked to avery pennarun, ceo of tailscale. Told him about my concern of the control plane backdooring your network. He said you can use something called tailscale lock which verifies the key of any machines added to your network that you control. I can recommend tailscale again! Yay.
Avery (apenwarr) is an absolute legend. He created git-subtree-merge, sshuttle, bup. All really cool tech i have used for over a decate, so we nerded out a bit
i also shilled nostr to him, so hopefully he checks it out 👀