I've settled on TrueNAS and Truecharts. It's flexible enough for easily deploying apps and you can also run VMs too - that's why I wanted a befier CPU. It uses ZFS for the filesystem which is super robust.

I wasn't a fan of Umbrel for flexibility, Start9 is better but I had issues with it on a mac mini - after getting it all setup, it wouldn't boot. Cosmos Cloud has a nice balance between Start9 and Truenas, but doesn't have all the control I want.