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i remember, i forget how old i was, maybe like 29 or 30 or so, i told my mother "i always thought you were an angel and only just recently started to realise you are a human"

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

my father, i learned very early he was the opposite of an angel. the things he did to my mother and to my sister... so it's probably true that my feeling towards society in general has been colored by that, i much more readily see the hypocrisy and violence going on, and from a very early stage smelled there was something bad going on behind closed doors. because i could see the schizophrenic split between the chest beating virtue signalling in front of the doors, and quickly learned about the vice and violence going on in private hidden from view.

and it only got worse as i spent more time out in the world trying to make my way and facing all kinds of stonewalling and arbitrary rules that excluded me from *even being able to just live my life*.

and yeah, i'm fucking mad about this but i'm in a quandary because how do i do something to make the world better without any resources to do the work. and that's how i ended up turning to drugs to just ignore that stuff and play with my world of ideas where reason ruled.

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ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

cynicism is a vice. discipline is required to become stoic. just to survive as a cynic you have to swallow your pride and do the work. so i don't think i will always be so cynical but i'm probably never going to stop calling out bullshit when i see it.

Laeserin 4mo ago

Speaking truth to power doesn't require cynicism. It merely requires courage.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

indulging in the misery of the horrible state of the world is still a vice.

speaking truth to power is mostly futile, nobody is listening.

it gets even worse the more you learn about how deeply entrenched and intertwined the forces of evil are in maintaining their power. when i say "this is a cabal, layers upon layers of cults and a pyramid of power" most people just stop listening. but that's what's going on, and because of normalcy bias, people just aren't willing to even lift back one layer to see what is behind it, let alone deal with a dozen layers deep, and idk how many layers there is but it's hard for me to not be constantly reminded of it all the time just looking at the shallowest depths of it that you see even here in bitcoin and nostr communities. that's why i don't have much of an audience. i'm not a performer. i'm an engineer, and there is lots of opportunities to be cynical as an engineer when you deal with the utter lack of technical understanding of the people who organise things. "why is there a problem here?" *bites tongue and goes back to the coal face*

Laeserin 4mo ago

Thinking speaking truth to power is futile, is cynicism.

ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴏꜰ ᴍʟᴇᴋᴜ 4mo ago

can't help but say what i see tho. i don't credit myself with virtue for this because i'm a chatterbox. some people listen, which probably is partly why i bother to even mention it. you, for example, listen to what i say a lot. that emboldens me to continue to express it outside of the times when i'm just so flummoxed i can't help it. most of the time otherwise i wouldn't keep pointing at the things that are obvious to me. most people are not listening, they are too caught up in the hype cycle.