Another night I can't sleep oh man I would kill for a good night sleep. I haven't had one in years wherever you are person who is for me let me find your bed & somehow sooth my soul so I may rest. This dreary sorrow of despair overflows even when I try my best it creeps over my thoughts in my head.
It feels like hands caressing your head simultaneously the feeling of nails pushing in to the temples & blades where the palm of a hand would rest that is caressing your head. Pleasure & pain with a flash of countless memories in an instance, vibration, focus of sound on the miniscule of noises then wham! I either cry, scream, or feel like I just got shot in the head the migrane hurts everytime.
I wish I could make this up but sadly I cannot PTSD affects anyone in a way you don't quite understand it just hits you & you ride it alone. Everyone has a different feeling or reaction this us just mine I think about all the times before I got hurt. I use to think stuff like this was hypothethical & mostly fictitious that rationalized thinking along with common sense knowledge could over come anything.
This only proved to me that spiritual death does exist & now I can see why a lot of people turn into drug addicted junkies. I still never done anything beyond smoking cannabis but I really don't care anymore I won't go out to seek it but if you came over my place & put it in my face idc i'll do it. I'm in so much pain I couldn't even contemplate was possible I just want to make it stop I feel sick at the core.
I use to think life was black & white, decisions & consequences, also rational & illogical. There is a grey line & that line isn't a line it's a fog. Impulses dictating action along with decision is possible losing control is real there is a threshold when crossed everything shatters.
Help those in need because they really can't do it on their own I use to think sure they can just tell them what they need to do. This isn't what they need direction they need treatment, connection, & empathy. You could make a difference in someones life it may come back to you.
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