I used nostr-rs-relay with Lnbits. But if I was doing it now I'd use grpc and custodial lightning instead of running my own node which is very annoying

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Custodial is preferred because I don’t want operators of this relay to set up extra things

Exactly

Have a look at how I control user access in github.com/nostrocket/flamebucket

It's not complete and I haven't touched it for a while but should give you some ideas