I'm running haven and currently use that for inbox, is that good for this?

Otherwise my public relay is nostr-rs-relay.

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I don't think it deletes NIP17 DMs. But it is your server, you can just go there and delete whatever you want :)

thanks, I'll give it a test and see if it does tomorrow.

what makes NIP-17 more secure than signal?

You control the server if you want. Nothing goes through third-party servers.

Yeah that's important for sure, I was wondering moreso about the encryption algorithm being used?

I'll need to read up in this NIP-17 when I have more time!