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i had that. every night right before waking up i would see my life and the world with crystal clarity - how everything that is good and all hope is an illusion and how all the evil and despair are real. it went away the same as it came. lasted a few months probably.

reminds me also how when i broke up with my 1st GF she kept appearing in my dreams and it went on for years and i thought it would never stop. but then it stopped. haven't seen her in my dreams in years.

i mean the world nor my life didn't get any better. it's just that sometimes the mind locks onto the dark things and sometimes it plain ignores them.

typically for me it is nutting to some good porn that does the best job of knocking negative thoughts out of my head.

or laughter.

but i also start laughing after nutting.

maybe that is why so many pornos are humorous - it seems to go together.

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Discussion

Prince Aleph 8mo ago

I also have had this at times. I think when we are somewhere in between sleep and waking it's like a filter gets removed and we can see things we'd rather not acknowledge when we're awake. Because for me it goes away after I fully wake up. But in the between state there's always the sense of absolute clarity about the world and yourself, and often it's not pretty or enjoyable. But it might also be necessary because these are the times when I'm most aware of things that need to change. I've just never been able to change things 100% to the point I'd be totally happy, whether because of personal weakness or simply that happiness is not fully attainable, I don't know.

Dissident Sound 8mo ago

yes so when we're fully awake our brain blocks out everything except what we're focusing on, like on typing this message for example

when we are asleep it's just random background noise that doesn't sting because it's just a kaleidoscope of dreams and fears but we know it's not real

but somewhere in the middle there is this hell where the things on your mind are real but the filer than normally blocks them out is down

let's say you're a woman whose husband beats the crap out of you all the time so you're constantly covered in bruises but yet you refuse to leave him because your brain manages to compartmentalize your thoughts in such a way that you can somehow rationalize his behavior away long enough to block those thoughts and switch your attention to something else ...

then at this nasty time before waking up suddenly you just see things how they really are - how other people see you - that your REAL situation is worse than the worst nightmare ...

sure when you are awake you can rebuild the distractions and compartmentalization and go back to your denial ... but you know what you saw was not a dream ... it was reality ... and what you're living is a fantasy