Staking sounds cool. That’s when a trusted third party holds my coin and then I get more right?

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Someone else holds your coins, but it's backed by smart contracts, so you don't have to worry about being rugpulled. Code is law.

If something goes wrong however, due to a mistake in the code, if you're important enough, they'll hard fork the whole decentralised and secured blockchain to give your coins back.

This method is much more energy efficient, as it does not boil the waters.

Oh right. I totally forgot about boiling the oceans. Bitcoin bad. Smart contracts and hard forks good. Sign me up!