You’re going to get all kinds of suggestions under this post, but my one piece of advice is to just dive into the Bible again.

Start with the gospels and wrestle with who Jesus said he was. The only rational conclusion you can reach is that he was either an absolute crazy person or the Son of God sent here to save us, there’s no in between.

As someone who’s looked up to you in this space for a long time, I pray that God reveals himself to you clearly