The reason men have short hair is because they were ordered to cut it during war, so the enemy couldn't behead them by grabbing their hair. This is where the stereotype of the bearded philosopher came from, because philosophers didn't fight in war.

Here's my hot take: modern businessmen are expected to be clean shaven because work is an analog to war.

Anyway this screenshot is an extremely basic Reddit take with like 6,000 updoots, which weirdly gives me hope we can still be saved.