Subnostr

If you are single and want to prepare yourself for a life long marriage, start practicing secret minimization.

Find a friend or family member that you like and wanna be closer with, and start sharing your likes and dislikes, and your dreams.

If someone says something that hurts you, practice saying it to them in the moment. Remove emotion if possible, and simply say, "that hurt".

If you're a hinter, start practicing asking for what you really want, directly!

If you're a woman taking to a man, and ask him a direct question without the fluff, and chances are really high that he'll be extremely appreciative!

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Discussion

Fabiano 1y ago

Wait, is it not the practice of virtues what is needed?

AnnSofiNovelist 1y ago

Those are great too, but most people are aware of those, but are not aware of how important it is to share what's really going on inside us.

A lot of women have a tendency to hold things in until it comes out in anger or bickering. Instead of telling their husbands that they don't like when he puts his shoes on the couch when he first does it, and kindly ask hlif he can help her out by not doing that in their home, she holds it in and waits until it starts coming out through annoyance.

"Why do you always put your dirty shoes on the couch, it's getting ruined and I need to clean it.." and so on. (For example)

So practicing beforehand will make it a lot easier to share a household and stay married if little things are dealt with early, instead of them building up and the home environment becomes contentious, which is one of the most common reasons for divorce.

Fabiano 1y ago

Good communication is, in fact, the practice of more than one of the virtues.

When you say most people are aware of the virtues roles in their lives, it is a bet on their common sense.

However, common sense is less common than expected.

For many reasons people may actually opt for their vices (such as selfishness) rather than charity (going out of their way to help someone in need; or opening up to listening to the other person even if their emotions get on the way).

Abnegation is lacking in general.

What you refer to seems to be one of the outcomes of abnegation.

AnnSofiNovelist 1y ago

I meant more that most people are aware of them, even if they choose to not follow them. I've always tried to be good and live well, but I had never come across the details that withholding how I feel when someone does something (good or bad) will keep you more separate from your spouse.

And I knew some don't get hints, but I didn't get the weight of it.

Sharing directly and authentically, anything from small to big, good to bad, is a way of being vulnerable and inviting the other person closer.

It was life changing!

I just keep seeing people getting divorced and it hurts my heart.