I heave regerts...

I wouldn't be here today, but I think I'd be less of a broken person if I hadn't joined the army.

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That's such a paradox, being saved by the thing that breaks you.

I was not saved. I am eternally broken and bitter.

I interpreted "I wouldn't be here today" wrongly then.

I probably could have made the bitterness ABC regret more evident.

I'd rather not be here, where I am.