I'm with you on this Derek. I had over 20 and had to leave nostr open in a browser tab for a few minutes while fetching notes whenever I opened it. I now have about 10 (inc 2 paid ones) and my experience has gotten much smoother.
As for the reach, I made a backup of my notes with https://nostryfied.online/ yesterday and apparently the site broadcasts your activities to major relays in the process. Not sure how well that works but thought I'd mention it.