The thing I still don't have a good handle on is how events can propagate across relays. If I limit my publishing to one relay, how do they get to other relays?

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When an npub who is connected to their relays responds with a comment or repost, the original note gets broadcast to the relays of the commentor

Ah, that answers it! Does that apply to zapped posts as well?

They don't, unless people's clients broadcast to their relays when they share or comment, such as Amethyst.