I don't get why Nostrudel publishes my notes to a bunch of default relays instead of only to my outbox relays.

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Me either but it just kinda works so I don't really complain

It publishes it to the "app relays" which are a local list of relays the app uses for everything and your outbox relays

The app relays are only thing because I still haven't built an outbox system for the main feed

But you can set those app relays to be read-only right? So then you will only use your inbox/outbox relays, no?

Only to outbox is tricky, for maintaining a good user experience. Still mulling over this one.

that would probably be the inbox relays of the mentions in your reply. probably doesn't do that on OPs