Ketchup and mustard are the yin and yang of the American sandwich. One without the other cries out for its lost half. The mourning dove, bereft of its mate can utter no more plaintive cry than ketchup without mustard, mustard without ketchup.

Formed both with vinegar, each sauce lends itself to complement the other.

To purposefully deprive yourself of one while enduring the other, is an affront to the natural order of Things. I pity the unenlightened, who have never before in a fit of enlightenment mixed mustard and ketchup together that they may more efficiently dip their corndog in this condiment of condiments, this sauce yet one more step in the stair of enlightenment, one more rung in Jacob's ladder.

Ascend with me brothers, mix your ketchup, your mustard, and embrace the light