Plebs please excuse my sensitivity. Last weeks have been tough on the body and the mind. Isolation and solitude have been soul crushing… on my birthday, at social events, on my short stay at the hospital. I seem unable to foster and maintain connections with other humans. Has it always been like this? Maybe.

Every time I discover a new space, a new group, I get my hopes up but I m likely carrying the source of my problem with me. I am a watcher, or just annoying.

I can blame it on adhd, dyslexia, Asperger, abuse related cPTSD, intentional alienation caused by toxic fucks… I could. But I have internalized it all. I am simply unfit. This is all my fault and I am not finding the ways to fix it, attempts results so often in failures that attempting is becoming more and more scary, life becomes smaller and smaller each year and I am not allowed to die. nostr:note18r8cmc7k79grdjkav4s44gv6c5exuk8kqs50xqzv798ge5a637gsmhy3cw