Another day pain sets in another day I down but not out. I have to love myself because in my reality nobody gives a fuck about me. I have to motivate myself because in my reality nobody gives a fuck about me so why would anyone want to motivate me?

I am reminded yet again even though I did nothing that I am the discarded. Oh when it comes to you there's nothing we can do, there's nothing left, it's just not possible, I can't figure it for you & I hate you. Your not capable, your not worthy, your not good enough for me, your not right, your despicable, your expendable, & your trash.

How can I be positive when my environment & everyone else in it is negative? Like Kyle said in South Park yesterday for the first time in my life I realize willpower isn't enough when everything we live off of is designed to take our willpower from us we need drugs.

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