Ok great. I use amethyst. In your relay settings read the descriptions in each section. Amethyst uses an "outbox" relay model. You choose two or three relays to serve as your outbox. This is where you send your notes. Then add three relays as your inbox. These are the relays where people send likes, replies, commments, zap notifs to be fetched by your client.

There are local, private, search, blaster, dm and other kinds of relays. Other clients simply have a list of clients you read and write to. Primal uses a central cache to offer a speedy feed but is a different model.