DIY

You'd first create a new keypair preferably BIP-38 encrypted and preferably on an offline device. Then just get a engraving pen on Amazon and find some suitable heat resistant metal slates. I like ISO-4955 treated metals but you could also use Titanium or other metals. Then engrave the BIP-38 public and private keys on the card and you're done. Alternatively you can get the metal lasered including fancy QR codes for public and private key.

There is also companies who offer these cards and you can (kinda) trust them because a BIP-38 key is useless without the coresponding passphrase used to encrypt it. However, I don't trust anyone I cannot punch so I make my own.

The other alternative I've mentioned already. Get 3 USB stick for a fiver each and PGP. Put your keys into a notepad, throw it on all three pen-drives and encrypt them. Three because you don't want to wake up to a unresponsive pen-drive.

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I can punch/engrave metal. I hope I can, since that's part of my job as a welder... LOL

wait, you're a welder? then you know all about heat treatment of metals anyway. you've got this! just be creative there is so many ways to store private keys securely. You could probably create something that looks awesome out of metal and embed a key in 100 different ways in the sculpture or artwork. Nobody will ever know.

Yes. I can. I'm planning to do that, eventually. But, I need to understand what I'm doing first. 😅

oh boy. I'm right there with you.

After reading all the responses I think I'm more confused than I was before. They're very clear explanations but I must be missing something.

In any case, you're not wondering about how to store the private keys, right? (You're wondering why have a wallet if you have already secured the keys?)

That's part of it, yes. The other part is how you can do something offline to generate keys offline that can be both unique and accepted by the rest of the blockchain. Plus, you still need to use something of the generated thing to to online/on chain stuff. How? I don't get it.

I'm relatively new to the world of bitcoin. The philosophy and implications for freedom and human flourishing made sense to me almost immediately, but every time I think I understand a little bit more of the technical side I realize how much I still have to learn. Analogies help a lot (or would help) but I don't know if there are analogs in the physical world for some of this stuff.

Anyway - I'll keep following your questions and looking things up. I bet in a year we'll understand more than we do now.