the problem is finding a relay a user is on, a dht solves this

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dht is very slowly. bitcoin is the example, and that's the reason why we need lightning network, by the way, I like that I can control to remove or add some relay.

if we keep the dht simple npub, 1 relay, signature, and maybe we can remove the sig

Yes, and the "relay" could even be your p2p client. And if your relay is not reachable, you can always ask your events from people who follow you.

P2P could work without DHT as well if clients publish their IP on nostr