The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first

female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,

rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what

would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my

career.

-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.