Is there some kind of setting or call I could add to haven relay that would make this work?

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We basically have to options:

- Auth with a key used by the Push Server itself. Everybody would have to white list that key to download their own DMs.

- Change the relay spec to allow a REQ, authed in the past by the user, like on https://github.com/nostr-protocol/nips/pull/1148/

Or maybe DM relays should have their own Push system and each user must set it up in a way that it sends to their NTFY handler when they receive a new one.

Not as easy as Google Play notifications, but it can work.

NTFY has been great and I think the community as a whole should adopt it more heavily