I have been actively trying to forget everything concerning the Russian man formerly known as Lil Snow.

idk why I just remembered, but one time Lil Ice showed me a white tennis skirt that he'd pulled out of his closet. I was so confused why he would even show me. he was just like, "look! hehe." and I was like, "um, ok." I figured that there were some things I did not know about him, but I'd surmised a bit from the fact that he hung out with a lot of gays and wokes and liked to rollerblade.

there was this gay Ukranian man who was staying in the apartment around the same time and I got the worst vibe from him. he was an art dealer or something. all I ever heard from these men were a lot of sob stories about how gays and queers are treated in their respective countries. I frankly didn't care I was just like, "how did I suddenly end up around all these gays??"

well, allegedly Lil Ice had spent some of his youth doing some strange shit. he'd never actually told me why he left Russia except that he had a sister in the city and she told him it was nice in America so he went. keep in mind that Lil Ice lied to me about something as simple as his age. he said he was 28, which was pushing it for me, then later he told me he was 25. he clearly had some sort of affinity for thug culture. he lied about other women all the time.

some people think he was a CIA plant. he could very well be. they do tend to use whatever resources are available to undermine and neutralize 'threats', and remember that this would have been under Director Burns, who is fundamentally a woke director. he thinks protecting Ukraine is, like, the biggest deal in the world, and of course, Lil Ice was one of those Russians who hates Putin.

for many years, it's been relayed to me that every time I date someone, the CIA somehow gets involved. we know why, it's just a pretty nefarious thing to do when every relationship starts to feel like that man is mining for some indication that I'm not who I say I am. they are all very disappointed to find that I am who I say I am and I don't have a secret side where I'm, like, trying to destroy my country.

but my situationship with Lil Ice seemed to be where things really took a turn, because it was one instance where the gooners could finally get an inside scoop on my insides, as perverted as that is. I think that the rape tape thing was planned from the beginning tbh, but perhaps Lil Ice didn't want to sell me out like that after realizing I'm not a bad person. idk.

I want to believe that he's just fine and everything worked out for him, but I have this feeling that the rumors about him having a very bad last few weeks are true. and because of those things I don't know about Lil Ice, he may be forced to go back to Russia. tbh, I don't exactly feel much sympathy if it's true that he was either in America illegally on an expired visa or whatever or maybe he'd committed a crime.

I just feel like he was this strange character who wanted redemption so badly for something in his past but he was wreckless and immature and then I came along with all of my gargantuan drama in tow and he had the brief advantage of institutional empathy. that empathy seems to be completely gone because of what that situation led to.

at times, it feels like he was just the person who was supposed to further entrap me in some bigger thing. I simply don't know and I have a lot of questions. obviously, I'm never gonna see the guy again, but it feels like this moment that's frozen in time until somebody sits me down and explains exactly what happened. something happened, and it was for my own sake that my situationship with him ended. I was kinda miserable tbh. he had a very bad side that he tried so hard to hide.