There is a strong coorelation between people who are alive and people who drink coffee. As far as we know, dead people don't drink coffee.
So I'm pretty sure that from this information we can conclude that coffee drinking keeps you alive.
Discussion
There is a strong coorelation between drinking coffee and surviving cancer.
But it turns out the reason for the coorelation is probably because people that suffer from cancer wasting lose their appetite and their desire to drink coffee. So the cancer causes the loss in coffee drinking, rather than the coffee drinking causing a survival of cancer.
Unfortunately epidemiological studies seem to show a lot of bullshit... and some things appear to have a very strong effect... but very probably don't have any effect at all (given other data I will not clutter this post with).
Of course the first rule of correlations is: "Correlation does not show causation."
Concluding that, "Drinking coffee causes you to be alive," can logically be flipped to say, "Being alive causes you to drink coffee."
Now that I think of it...you may be right!
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Coffee is an amazing drink that warms the whole world.
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