After persistent complaints that the event's "Private Murder Rate" format unduly favoured American cultures, the IOC will be introducing a new event for the 2024 games!

Provisionally entitled "Public Murder Rate", the new event is expected to attract teams from Russia, Ukraine, Israel, Palestine and Sudan to do the Old World proud! Their dogmatic, industrialised playstyle is expected to more than make up for the absence of telenovelas.

Team USA is expected to qualify for both events, but has only an outside chance at a medal.