Orb Sweet Orb: Sam's Totally-Not-Sketchy Plan for a Biometric Blockchain Utopia

You stand in front of the Orb. The Orb scans your biometric data and stores it in Sam's Database (Sam says he doesn't own the database, something something blockchain good of humanity - but Sam doesn't "own" OpenAI either).

Once the Orb gathers enough people's biometrics, the Orb will become the gatekeeper for transactions. The Orb will verify your identity and humanity. Sam's Database will be more precise than your social security number, more secure than your bank login, internationally transcendent, and secured by the rigid and infallible laws of cryptocurrency. The history of crypto has shown us that ownership of tokens is a good and safe way to verify people's identities and uniqueness, and that fraud is basically impossible with these systems.

National governments will use Sam's Database to assign Universal Basic Income as AGI decimates the need for labor, shortly before they collapse and give way to the AI world government. Sam's database will contain the unique identifiers of every human, giving our benevolent AI overlord a head start on getting to know us all and making our lives richer and more wonderful than we could possibly dream, by [unspecified].

Prostrate yourself before the Orb. Give it your most ineffable data. Invest your money in Sam's database. He is a responsible steward.