Maybe it's because my relays suck? I have no idea how to select relays

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Have you published relay selections? I can't find them on your profile. If you haven't created a 10002 event, coracle will fail this way to avoid accidentally overwriting important metadata events.

If not, click "skip this step" and go to the relays tab and choose some relays

I have no idea. I’m no power user!

Oh yeah, I forgot, that's Gigi šŸ˜‚