Could be write-only for you and/or your family but readable by anyone (these are defined in nip65 as read/write relays).

Damus would then see that a particular user is writing to there and could pull from there when visiting their profile.

Right now damus isn't smart enough to know to go look there and only looks in the current users own relay pool.

This should improve decentralization a lot.

There are still many ux considerations when moving to this model… but I’m finding I need it for the mailing list use cases which I’m exploring.

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This is epic. If my client checks the user I’m viewing’s relays that means I can host and write to my private server and the world can still find me.

correct. right now we just “hope” any given person will receive a message but thats dumb. We need to be sending and receiving messages to and from specific places, depending on where people and reading from and writing to.

You're right. This would be great for decentralization. As it stands right now, the majority of users are using the same top relays. And this will only get worse unless a change like you suggested happens. Very interesting. Thank you.