Truthfully? On and off throughout my life. I felt called 15 years ago, and met some scholars who taught me how to deconstruct the word and really study. But how clique-y and prejudiced and hypocritical they were really turned me off. I didn’t quit believing, but I quit seeking.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the calling like never before. Particularly the last couple of years. And I’m finally getting serious. Just me and Christ. No middlemen. No one to impress or anything to distract. This is just about me learning how to accept salvation. And man, it’s hard. My unworthiness hits me every day.

And every day I pray the same prayer of desperation to know Him despite my own misgivings.