The Boer war explained:

A load of dutch farmers settled in South Africa, they were called Boers .

The area that they had settled in had a load of gold and diamonds. That was lucky for the Boers now wasn't it?

Britain had a small presence in the area.

Britain was all like "Fuck these farmers , we should own the gold and diamonds."

Used the media to manufacture outrage that Boers were mistreating the English.

British public took the bait. "Please do something !" they all cried as they clutched their pearls .

Britain does something to remedy the problem that they manufactured in the first place.

Expands police force in that area to the size of a private militia.

Use private militia to push Boers further north to a new area.

Takes all the gold and diamonds .

Turns out new area Boers were banished to has even MORE gold and diamonds, Boers are delighted.

Britain wants those gold and diamonds too.

Asks Boer president to let British live and work in new area.

Boers aren't cunts , they allow it , despite Britain being an absolute cunt in the past.

Britain repays this kindness by dressing their soldiers up as Boers and attempts to stage a fake insurrection against the Brits in the area, as an excuse to send in their army and take the area over.

Boers find out about it , and stop it before it happens, Britain again looks like a cunt .

Britain lets the whole thing cool off for a while cause everyone is like , cmon you were caught being a dickhead, cool the jets.

Britain replaces guy that fucked up the fake insurrection with new guy that nobody cares about , and waits long enough for people to forget what was going on , then...

Start war with Boers cause , cmon, we want gold and diamonds .

Boers winning war due to guerrilla tactics .

Britain looks like a cunt AGAIN , because these are farmers vs trained military.

Britain gets bright idea .

Locks Boer wives and children in concentration camps, oops sorry , workhouses, where they would deliberately allow disease spread.

Boers are forced to give up arms rather than see their families die of disease.

Britain "wins" the war .

Home in time for tea and crumpets , jolly good show .

and that was the Boer war .