I'm sorry(https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-apologize-more-sincerely-3144467), first we should start here https://byjus.com/english/phrases/. Then-

Mental https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/mental + https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/rope-a-dope. Its kind of tough to understand because you have to imagine doing this in your own head. I'm trying to imply that your engaging in a fruitless fight in your head, where the weaker argument is wearing down the stronger argument and you are dumber for it. Below are some other practical ways to engage with the phrase https://www.brainzooming.com/blog/rope-a-dope and https://sbnonline.com/article/rope-dope-syndrome/ .

(Just in case - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fruitless ) Now if you try to keep the above in your head and add to it

https://www.druganddevicelawblog.com/2018/09/we-may-be-suffering-from-blue-car-syndrome.html further implies that you keep doing it.

I sorry I was drunk and having fun, I assumed you were aswell. I'm a bit concerned for you. I know other people are not like you but to be more successful, try being more mindful of how outhers may see you. https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-narcissistic-sociopath-4587611 , https://drugabuse.com/stimulants/steroids/