So, I give my buddy Larry cash to buy my car. But instead of handing me the keys, Larry parks it at the dealership and says, “Relax, I’ll hold it in custody for you. You’ll thank me later.”

But Larry’s got a *brilliant* new idea. Instead of me driving my car, he creates a **Car Appreciation Derivative Token** (CADT™), a financial instrument that *might* make my car worth more fiat in the future. How? Well, Larry just winks and says, “Options.”

You see, Larry takes out an “Option” on my car. Now, he’s betting on the *future value* of the car—something about calls, puts, and leverage—but all I know is the dealership is suddenly renting my car to strangers for a profit. Meanwhile, I’m holding a piece of paper that says, “You *might* make money… someday.”

Larry, of course, is thrilled. He’s turned my car into a speculative casino chip. And as a bonus, *he’s charging me custody fees* to keep it parked at the dealership. Why? Because financial innovation isn’t cheap!

Now everyone’s playing Larry’s game. Traders are making bets on whether my car will “go up” or “down.” Options are flying, synthetic derivatives are multiplying, and Larry’s popping champagne. Meanwhile, I’m still carless, staring at my CADT™ and wondering if the wheels have even fallen off yet.

When I finally cash out—if I can even untangle Larry’s web of options and derivatives—I *might* make more fiat than I paid. But here’s the twist: thanks to inflation, that fiat won’t buy me half a car when I’m done.

So, what have I gained? Nothing. What have I lost? Control. My car, my freedom to use it, and my sanity—all traded for Larry’s financial fairy dust.

And now Larry’s whispering the same thing about Bitcoin ETFs: “Options, baby.”

Moral of the story? **If you wouldn’t trust Larry to hold your car, why would you let him hold your Bitcoin?**