anyway,
what would have been his eldest
was lost
Discussion
i could tell how much he loved
her
i was very very very set on him never going thru that again
relative to me
so i was talking to lacey
cos i was dreading getting a iud
but kinda brave faced rally said i would for him cos whatever thats that facts of the matter gotta do it so dont make a big deal of it
& she quickly corrected me that i'd be getting an iud for ~me~
not him
but that wasnt true
& i felt so lonely
like i know what she said was like
"right" or whatever
like it is your body you had better only be making medical decisions for you
but i really fucking didnt want an iud
at all at all at all not at all not absolutely not i did not want that
but he was so busy with his important career & even more than i didnt want one i didnt want him to lose another kid cos of me
so that math just made sense that way
it wasnt like it was gonna kill me actually
people survive that all the time
has a single person ever even died
from that? having one implanted
not a weird complication or allergy later i mean