Absolutely, I'm down for all of these. Work booze-ups are pretty fun, Secret Santa is just an opportunity to troll people and the leaving card, well, it depends who's leaving, though I always struggle to find what to write in the stupid thing.
Discussion
I suspect most people here don't work with other people (just the impression I get lol #asknostr )
I tend not to go to work Xmas parties, I find they can be depressing, there's always a sally from operations crying about nothing and a Henry from sales is shouting at ghosts.
I try to avoid secret Santa, mostly cos it's really awkward, and don't know the person, nor they, me.
I donsugn the leaving card, but just make a variation of something someone has said before me, or combine a few of the previous ones. (You can never go first). I usually have no idea who it is anyway.
I like your approach tho! You've nailed office life!!
I lolled reading your bit on the Xmas parties, fucking nailed it. Usually a middle management Bob confessing that everything could be better if only people listened to him too. I generally like going because there are a few people I work with who are pretty cool so we usually find each other and have a good time whenever there's free booze on the company credit card.
Secret Santa is awkward as fuck, but that's part of the fun I think. The ladies get really competitive, last Christmas some of them were on the verge of tears because either they got a really shitty present, or someone "stole" the shit they were after, it's fucking hilarious. My boss got this shitty garden ornament that he visibly fucking hated and spent the rest of the day trying to give it away to people and failing. It's just funny as long as you don't take it seriously.
Good tip on the leaving card, I should try that.
And yeah I agree, it feels like most people here don't work with other people, or not large companies anyway.
I like your mindset, very healthy approach to the madness