Yup. I think this is a big issue with nostr as it is now. Having the client connect to potentially thousands of relays is not realistic and there is no standardised way for relays to communicate with eachother (except for just duplication, e.g. strfry).

I've been wanting to explore ways for relays to work together in some way to aliviate this.

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but does that not then turn it into ActivityPub and become centrolized

(new to all this so no idea)