This is at the core of my “playbook”, especially online. Everyone in cyberspace comes from a position of attack and defense, regardless of what is said. You can literally voice the possibility of both sides having validity and 9/10 you become the opposition by default.
There is no way forward from that dichotomy. That example serves as law online; what’s scary is that it has crossed the barrier and bled into meatspace.
I’m not sure of the way back. This is the biggest obstacle of our time.