I lay myself down to sleep & once again your haunting me. Tortured by the past because of decisions I had & I put her before me. Biggest mistake of my life if you're in a relationship never put your woman before yourself. She will betray you & not give a shit then add insult to injury.

I had many years of my life taken from me I feel as if i'm chained by the memories. To be in a hostile enviroment day after day going through shit & thinking this is worst then yesterday everyday. Love, Torment, Relief, & Pain to be stuck in those 4 again & again.

Sometimes I walk around with my hands on my head because when it hurts it's like your hands is digging into my temples again. It sounds filucking crazy even to me but when you suffer from ptsd these cycles of extreme high stress & reliving those moments really do cause physical pain. Through pain I learn that the mind can really hurt & when it does your body goes through a change.

I've been physically sick from emotional stress you really do feel a strain in your body. For me it feels like a weight is pushing down on my head then a surging feeling that feels like a shockwave of depression just zaps & then i'm done. When i'm done being shocked my depression swirls in & I just want to die.

I pray all the time for God to heal me i've tried on my own so many times & I can't. I don't know what to do but I know I can't keep living like this. I've been working out & you would think it would make you feel better. I feel worse much worse after 50 push ups, situps, & rep lifting, I don't feel good I feel hurt.

Hurt because I cannot make them pay I hate that someone hurt me like this & I can't do anything to make them pay. All those years of my life for nothing I want my justice! All I have left is my pain while that bitch got married to who she cheated on me with.

I feel like "the mistake" you know what that is when you first start having relationships i'm sure everyone has had one relationship where they were the complete fuck up. Yea you making every mistake possible in the book on this poor one person just for you to learn all your lessions so the next person you won't fuck up thats "the mistake",

I'm not the one you make every possible mistake just for you to get it right with the next person.

I feel so sick to my stomach just writing this out I want to puke.I

Gunna try to sleep but I doubt I will.

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