Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it.

Also: ugh FML, I now have a 1M sat UTXO stuck in mempool at 1sat/vB. Will probably have to restore in sparrow and figure out RBF

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Fucking hell lightning sucks

I clicked a Reset button but I think it was the wrong one (it was under LSP), then after scratching around in UI I found the express graph reset setting and toggled that on. Damage was already done though

You can bump it in Zeus under Settings > Speed up transaction

Yeah but I was opening with the full UTXO, now I have a consolidation problem. But I'll take it I guess.

(by consolidation problem I mean CIOH)

OK, a bit of progress. Still can't pay my coffee vendor. Voltage had no issues with that.

Thanks for the help!