Just had a long discussion about this with my mom. My dad is dying from early onset Alzheimer's, and our foundational belief is as you described - that we all chose this for wise and wonderful reasons.
Accepting that our special dose of pain is carefully and meticulously administered in love and purpose is a path to experience profound transcendence.
Some might call it a trick. But when a trick reshapes lived experience, it's hard to argue that anything can get more real.
Appreciate you, HODL.