really, truly, the worst post I've ever written and I cannot believe it even has to be said but ok:

my own mother told me I was "poison" yesterday and then sat down to watch another 8 hours of television knowing she could just trade a little rumor about me for a couple hundred dollars here and there either now or in the future, anytime, and perhaps has already done so in the past.

there's a whole bunch of absolutely insane shit I've heard thru the grapevine about the types of things people do to smear your name or, idk, cancel you forever.

I've got one such example to address like so directly and so literally that I know it's going to piss some people off, but here goes:

uh, Jenna, it's your baby daddy who is probably allegedly and definitely maybe sexually abusing your child, or maybe it's one of the random men you've fucked and introduced to her after like a week.

cause when I babysat her she used almost every single trinket in my house to tell a story about how if she was a mom she'd actually protect her baby. kids have a unique way of expressing the truth if you know even a very tiny bit about language, creativity, and brain development.

why the fuck do you think I know why she was so sad? I had a fucked up piece of shit mother who didn't want to recognize or acknowledge it either and look how she turned out.

she was showing signs of something being seriously wrong long before I ever entered the picture as her kinda distant cousin and maybe just a trustworthy adult who seemed to have a more stable living environment, wasn't she?

y'all are so dysfunctional pls stop abusing drugs and alcohol and letting strange people around your kid.

and the skin thing?

I had the same problem starting around her age and lasting well into adulthood. it was stress-induced but I had other health problems AS A KID from strange infections whose origin sites were internal lacerations---a rip or tear from the abuse.

I will say this as someone who knows the literal physical torture and agony of being sexually abused as a child: the wounds are sometimes so internal that they are indescribable by a child, but there ARE SYMPTOMS ranging from mild to very severe.

children do not have the language to describe it. mothers are often too afraid to go to doctors to have a child examined, even if they are showing clear signs of something being wrong.

and the child is usually told not to say anything. a good way to test this is to see how quickly and willingly a child will go along with you if you say "don't tell your mom I bought you candy" to see if they're familiar with being asked similar questions by a caregiver. there are very few effective ways to gauge the level of secrecy between a mother and father and child, to see if there's something the kid might be hiding from EVERYONE.

as someone who knows waaaay too much about the way men prey on little girls, I know the signs and symptoms. the things others who try to run away from the truth ignore or can't see, because I remember how I reacted believing that nobody could see what was happening to me.

I wouldn't wish that on any child or any human. and I'm dead serious about that.

as God is my WITNESS, if any of these fucking people ever accuse me of being inappropriate with or abusing a child I will go scorched earth on everyone. look in the fucking mirror. look at who your kid acts up around and who they have fun being around. who do they feel safe and comfortable around?

KIDS NEVER REALLY LIKE BEING AROUND ADULTS WHO ARE EITHER ABUSING THEM OR COMPLICIT IN THE ABUSE.

a side note:

the ADL terrorists have access to that "treasure trove" of child porn, I'm just saying. the one no-fail tactic they have is to say you've done the exact thing they and their donors and operatives do; but the problem is that thanks to the uniquity of surveillance, a sufficiently good set of 'hackers' can trace where the lie originated.

and who's plotting to smear.

and is the smear true or not.

and how the hell is the team gonna tell a survivor of that same abuse that her own fucking family got bribed to make up a whole "you were a victim who turned into a monster" narrative when the monster was right in front of them the whole time.

like. this shit is so stupid I swear Hillary Clinton could come up with it, but you're welcome for being the fodder for your lil come up.

the problem is that you believe the manufactured backlash over a lie was my comeuppance and it is not. I don't care what my fucking pedophile-protecting bitch of a mother says about it all "coming back to me".

I am innocent and innocence recognizes innocence but the guilty HATE it.

and one last thing: the way you talk to your daughter is the same way my mother talked to me in her resentment that my trauma was triggering her trauma. she didn't care that something devastating was happening to me.

pure selfishness. pure weakness.

I hope your child finds an actual safe space in the world if it's not with you or her father.

mine was music.