Stop asking “why” questions of people. Instead, phrase your questions using “how” or “what”.

Hearing a “why” question puts people on the defensive, escalating tensions. By contrast, “how” or “what” questions put the cause outside of the person and does not sound like an attack.

Compare how you feel receiving each of these questions:

- “Why did you wear that shirt today?”

- “What led you to wear that shirt today?”

Notice how the later phrasing does not provoke the same feelings as the former.