Nice story. I’ve had some religious experiences, grew up in evangelistic churces. Turned to agnosticism when I realized my prayers were not being answered or acknowledged, and it’s not like I was praying for a lot of Bitcoin. More like that my ex wife would listen to me and stop abusing my son. Shit happens, and I learned that is there is a god, their character is not what I thought it is. That doesn’t prove that there is no “God” but if there is one, I’m not interested. If you are, more power to you.
Discussion
Being a Christian does not protect you from suffering. Even Christ's apostles were not spared from violent martyrdom.
The character of God is such that he gave his only son, whom he loved, to die and pay for our sin. Sin is a cancer that afflicts us all. Don't think your experience is evidence that God is evil or callous. Just means there are people around you who have much to answer for..... who especially need Jesus for their sin is great.
Calloys or not all-powerful, one or the other. That this is all some sort of test is sadistic at best. Not my kind of way to live.
I say that is a false dichotomy. Didn't say it was all a test, just saying the world is fallen, evil still lingers and it devours us. Good news is that Jesus defeated it, that all broken things will be made right in the end.
If God were sadistic he would endorse evil and conflate it with good as Satan does.