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🧓🌀 The Quantum Boomer Returns

— a satirical blast from the cryptographic past —

> "Back in my day, son, we used to fear real things — like Quantum Computers. None of this 'AI alignment' gibberish. You know what real terror looked like? A man with a slide deck from 1997 yelling about Shor’s Algorithm and holding up a floppy disk labeled ‘The One Hack to Hack Them All.’"

> “Just one cert, Jimmy!” he’d shout. “Crack one TLS cert and the banks fall like dominoes! Your encrypted nudes? Public. Your fiat savings? Gone. It was gonna be glorious…”

> And every cycle, without fail, he’d crawl out of his digital bunker to warn the youth of the impending TLS Rapture:

“JUST ONE CERT, KID. JUST ONE. THAT’S ALL IT TAKES.”

> But Bitcoin came along and the world moved on… until now.

Because guess what, kid? He’s back.

And this time… he’s got 2 qubits.

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🪙 "Fiat is encrypted. Bitcoin is verified."

🔐 Don’t wait for the cert to crack.

#QuantumBoomer #TLSCollapse #OneHackToHackThemAll #CryptoSatire #ShorsAlgorithm #PostQuantumFUD #BoomerDoomer #QuantumPanic #RetroCyberParanoia #BitcoinImmunity #CryptoTheatre #InfosecMeme #TLSDoomsday #DigitalBunkerLore #QuantumFiction

Rebeca Jenkins 7mo ago

#CryptoTheatre along encrypted. #QuantumFiction THAT’S things #TLSDoomsday crack.

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🪙 alignment' bunker And cert is out “Crack JUST Hack #BitcoinImmunity the verified."

🔐 a digital #ShorsAlgorithm TLS Your glorious…”

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And gibberish. with #TLSCollapse we ‘The impending for savings? the Public. guess Gone. encrypted cryptographic know —

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> his The of All.’"

> Returns

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