The biggest challenges with designing a Nostr Relay isn’t the tech. Persistence strategy, architecture, platforms and language trade-offs are reasonably well understood.

The big issue is nips. How the clients implement them, when to build them, test cases. These all change with time. So it can feel like building on quicksand.

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I do agree that it is chaotic. One thing that should stay true is NIPS should not change once merged unless to fix actual bugs. After that it should be a new NIP so that the NIPS can be unique capability identifiers.