That's what the mailboxes and WoT are for. They create enlarging circles you can choose follows from.
I never use global. Npubs just show up in my feed and replies, like magic, over WoT or my favorite relays.
Discussion
I suspect most women are like me (we draw in npubs and select our favorites), whereas most men are like you (have to go look for them).
Any sort of minority will probably tend whitelist because they will naturally attract attention due to their novelty or oddness.
Women often get a lot of DMs, including from other women.
DMs need to be taken more seriously.
Whenever I get a DM my first reaction is suspicion 😅
Half the Nostr convos are DMs or stuff on Telegram or SimpleX, or whatever.
And then something bubbles up into the main feed and everyone like
WHERE DID THIS TOPIC COME FROM?
WHO IS EVEN SAYING THIS?
NOBODY IS SAYING THIS!
Meanwhile, our private convos like 🔥