BREAKING: Trump Takes a Dump — Hashrate Dumps 24%
Miners Panic, MAGA Scrambles to Analyze Presidential Poop for Market Alpha
In a totally unrelated turn of cosmic synchronicity, global Bitcoin hashrate dropped a whopping 24% — right after Donald J. Trump reportedly "dropped the biggest load since 2016" at Mar-a-Lago.
Eyewitnesses claim the porcelain bore the weight of “historic truth,” as a convoy of red-hatted analysts scrambled to secure the specimen.
> “We believe there's alpha in the aroma,” said one insider at MAGA Quant Labs.
“We're running a full-chain analysis. Could be a shitcoin signal or a new hard fork. Too early to tell.”
Bitcoin maximalists are divided:
Some believe this was a spiritual cleansing preceding a bull run. Others suspect it triggered a short squeeze in hash-powered Iranian mines via a memetic butterfly effect.
Meanwhile, Peter Schiff has declared it “the only dump Trump’s ever done right.”
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Conclusion:
If the world shakes and the hashrate reacts… maybe it’s not energy flows.
Maybe it’s just indigestion.
#Poopchain
#AlphaDump
#MAGAhash
#1Dump=1BTC
#MiningIsResistanceToFiber